One day a young man decided that life would be less lonely if he had a pet.

He went to the pet store and enquired about buying a pet.

The salesman, a wily old fox who had quickly appraised the young man’s character – or lack of it, and suggested a centipede. ‘

‘A centipede? isn’t that a bit unusual?’

‘No’, replied the salesman, ‘they make the ideal pet. Unobtrusive, quiet, clean and above all so fashionable nowadays. It’s the thinking man’s stick insect’

After a moment’s reflexion, the young man made up his mind, bought the centipede and took it home. He made a home for the centipede in a shoe box lined with cotton wool.

To celebrate the arrival of his new pet he decided to take it down the shebeen to show his friendss.

‘Hey Jack (he’d called the centipede Jack) how about a beer at the shebeen with the ouens?’

No answer.

He repeated the question, but Jack said nothing.

Finally exasperated he shouted at the top of his voice ‘You stupid bloody centipede. Are you deaf or what? Do you want to go down the shebeen for a drink?’

The centipede crawled out of the box, reared up on its hind legs and said ‘SHUT THE **** UP YOU MORON. Can’t you see I’m putting my shoes on?’.