Thread: This is what Dickipedia thinks of Robert Mugabe

My very first real posting concerns a man I love to hate:

Robert Gabriel Mugabe KCB (born on February 21, 1924) is the President of Zimbabwe—a small country in southern Africa predominately known for its usefulness in the board game Scattergories™ when someone selects a “Places” card and then rolls a Z. He is a former freedom fighter, current political oppressor, and a dick.Mugabe rose to prominence in the 1960s as a prime force in the Zimbabwe African National Union, or ZANU, which then became the Zimbabwe African National Union-Patriotic Front, or ZANU-PF, right after it absorbed the Zimbabwe African People’s Union, or ZAPU, which was itself once known as the Patriotic Front-African People’s Union, or PF-ZAPU. This isn’t nearly as confusing at it sounds, because essentially, they’re all the same thing, kind of like how the WWF became the WWE, except without all the steroids, unitards and “Mean” Gene Okerlund down at ringside.

A leader during the Bush War (1964-1979)—a dispute stemming from the restrictive pubic hair regulations that governed Rhodesian strip clubs at the time—Mugabe was originally hailed as both a hero of Zimbabwean independence and as an educated, enlightened head of state. Then came the egomania, the vote-rigging, the armed intimidation, and, of course, the ethnic cleansing. Why does it always seem to end in ethnic cleansing?

Despite the apparent defeat of Mugabe and his party in both presidential and parliamentary elections in late March 2008, he is refusing to cede power, first withholding the election results, then demanding a recount… of a tally he would not allow to be counted in the first place.

In essence, Mugabe is that guy who shows up at your party and seems really cool at first, but then, somehow, gets way too drunk, stays after everyone leaves, and then hits on your girlfriend by asking her if she wants to shoot a homemade porno.

Interestingly enough, however, in the grand scheme of African dictators, Mugabe is kind of small time. He’s no Idi Amin, for instance; he’s not even a Mobutu Sese Seko. As such, no one will realize how much of a dick Robert Mugabe really is until they make a movie about him, starring Forest Whitaker in a powerfully brilliant, tour de force performance.

Robert Mugabe’s profile on Dickipedia | Standing in the way of control!